A red flag is understood as an alarm signal that something is not right, or that it seems potentially harmful or problematic. It is normally used to refer to those behaviors of others that should make us alert (for example: that they exceed a limit that we have set).
However, we forget that we can also carry out behaviours that hurt ourselves (this can be a bad habit, a recurring negative thought… we see it below). They can also be signs that warn us that something may be wrong with us (being more apathetic, having less energy, etc.).
On the path to self-awareness and personal growth, it is crucial to identify and address the red flags that may indicate underlying issues in our mental and emotional health. Below, we’ll explore some of the top red flags to consider and how to deal with them effectively.
How to detect and deal with Red Flags in yourself
1. Emotion denial
Emotional avoidance is at the root of many of the problems in psychology. Some examples of this are: noticing that we cannot cry, avoiding situations that make us nervous, not wanting to express what you feel, etc.
It is common that to a greater or lesser extent, people avoid feeling those emotions that are unpleasant to us. Even so, doing so entails greater problems, as you can see in our blog “Why do we have emotions?“. In order to overcome this fear of one’s own emotion, there is no choice but to allow ourselves to feel and express our emotions. Music can be a good vehicle to channel them, in the same way that talking about them with someone you trust can relieve them a lot. If you fear being judged, you can also write about it, or seek help from a general health psychologist.
2. Social isolation
Socializing is an inherent act in the human being. When we isolate ourselves, it can be for several reasons: shame, sadness, social anxiety, among others. It is not about socializing more or less, but about not feeling alone. To do this, each one will need a different social dose. To face this difficulty, you can start by socializing in the way that is easiest for you: by chat, with the family… You can also sign up for an activity that you want, and thus meet people similar to your tastes and expand your circle.
3. Excessive self-demand
Setting unrealistic standards for yourself only leads to constant stress and frustration. This is usually detected through self-critical verbalizations and through rigidity in one’s self-evaluation. To do this, it will be necessary to learn to set achievable goals and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. You can start by trying to detect those phrases you say to yourself, and change them for more compassionate ones. You can also try to make a list of your accomplishments throughout the day, including small things, such as getting to work on time, or doing that chore around the house that you always put off.
4. Continuous comparison
Comparing oneself with others is something that is increasing every day, and that causes, maintains or aggravates self-esteem problems. One of the factors that has pushed this trend the most is social networks. This comparison occurs in matters of image and physical appearance, but also in matters of success, economics and leisure activities. The act of comparing oneself is normal if it is not very frequent and helps us to improve and be inspired by people we like. However, if you notice how you do it often or if it causes you discomfort or envy, limit the time you spend on social media and focus on your own progress. Remember that each person has their own path and pace.
5. Lack of self-care
We could distinguish two levels. The first would have to do with neglecting healthy habits such as food, exercise and sleep. The second would be to stop accessing those activities that are pleasant to me, such as walking, playing sports, seeing other people, spending time with the family, etc. Both have a great impact on our quality of life, and if we have difficulties in any of them, we feel worse. There can be several reasons for neglecting both of them, but one factor that often makes them all difficult is lack of time and stress. If we see that we have stopped doing them or that we have difficulties in maintaining them, we must stop and analyze what is preventing us from doing so. Perhaps we need to reconsider our priorities and how we save time.
6. Feeling of continuous stress
Unfortunately, today’s society has normalized stress in its day-to-day life. It is normal and desirable to maintain a certain level of activation that allows us to continue our daily tasks. However, it is easy for work and personal life to overwhelm us and have the feeling of running everywhere. High cortisol levels for long periods of time can have consequences on our mood: we are more alert and irascible, mentally exhausted, we have a hard time paying attention, etc.
Sometimes, we may not know how to control that stress, so it can touch a pathological limit and become considered anxiety. In these cases, the best option is to ask for psychological help to learn how to manage it. However, managing it will also involve analysing what is the contextual origin of that anxiety. Many times, stress and anxiety can be the last red flag that the body sends us to make us realize what makes us feel bad (for example: not knowing how to set limits, putting up with a relationship that does not satisfy us, having a job that does not fulfill us, etc.).
Recognizing these “red flags” is the first step to breaking negative patterns and starting to strengthen your self-love. Through reflection and action, you can learn to set boundaries, express your needs, and promote changes to your well-being. Remember that emotional well-being is an ongoing journey, and every step you take toward recognizing and overcoming these cues is a step toward a more balanced and fulfilling life.
Guillem Nicolau Coll
General Health Psychologist
Nºcol: B-02773
